Some things in life are simply inevitable. For example, if you go to a corn maze with
your youth group, you will inevitably wind up waging a war among yourselves
complete with advanced weaponry, rules of combat, and pun-based catch phrases.
What? That doesn't happen to you?
I should backtrack slightly.
In late October, in celebration of the season, we took the youth group
to a corn maze put on by CSI (College of Southern Idaho). It was an absolutely gorgeous fall day in
which to enjoy a corn maze. Clear blue
sky. Crisp air. Dry corn husks rustling in the slight
breeze. The smell of a fire and grilling
taking place somewhere on the horizon.
When we arrived at the corn maze, I immediately announced to all the kids that we were going to race through the
corn maze. “Older kids versus younger,”
I declared, “and the winner gets a pig!”
So as soon as we entered the actual corn maze, the younger kids took off
running. I ran after them long enough to
make them sprint around the corner, and then turned back to resume walking with
the older youth.
We meandered through the corn maze, making no special effort
to choose a correct path. (“Ellie,
that’s a dead end.” “No it’s no-wait,
yes that is a dead end.”) We grabbed
ears of corn lying on the ground, casually shucking kernels and tossing them
into the air. I twisted a full corn cob
off a stalk and began carrying it around.
“His name is Akbar,” I told the kids.
They didn't get it.
Eventually, despite our shocking lack of effort, we made it
to the end of the corn maze. We peered
through the tent marking the finish. No
sign of the younger kids. In the spirit of the season, we decided to
go back into the corn maze and try to find and scare them.
“Okay guys,” I said, “We have to leave some
sort of sign to prove that we made it here first.” Katie began shelling a pile of kernels onto
the ground. I used two stalks of corn to
make the sign of a cross on top of the pile of corn. “Perfect.”
We headed back into the wild.
I started creeping along the edge of the path, making
military hand signals to urge the rest of the group along. We would creep along the path, come to an
intersection, and then stop, listening for any hint that the children were
nearby. This continued for about ten minutes, with several false alarms. But suddenly…
"They’re coming! Quick, hide!….shhh…shhh.”
We did not make it under the cover of the corn stalks in
time. They found us immediately. But in those brief frantic seconds, where we
had run up a row of corn, attempting to quickly hide, I had an idea.
“Let’s play hide and seek!”
This suggestion was quickly met with a chorus
of approvals. We laid out the
ground rules. One group would hide while
the other group counted to 60. Once your
group was hidden, you couldn't move until you had been spotted. You could hide anywhere.
Did I mention how big this corn maze was?
The younger kids went first, and although it took a bit of
wondering through the corn maze, pausing in the hopes of hearing whispered
voices, we eventually found them in the back corner of the maze. Then it was our turn to hide. As they started counting, we took off
SPRINTING, running not with any real destination in mind, but rather just
trying to put as much distance between ourselves and the kids as possible.
Several twists and turns later, I spotted a
tall-looking clump of corn stalks directly ahead. “Does this look good?” I whispered to Katie,
Kayla, and Chani. They nodded. We went back a few rows and then darted down
one row, winding up in the middle of the thick patch of corn stalks. Then we squatted down in the dirt and settled
in to wait.
We didn't wait very long.
The younger kids found us almost immediately. They came straight to our hiding spot. It was like…THEY KNEW EXACTLY WHERE WE WERE
HIDING.
Khrista, one of the youth group
leaders, informed me that this was exactly the case. That the younger kids had followed along
behind us when they were supposed to be counting, waited until they saw exactly
where we hid, and then came and “found” us.
Blast.
The thing I was most angry about was that none of us had
noticed what must have been an only too obvious trail of younger kids following
along behind us. Nonetheless, I knew
that we must have our revenge!
And thus was born the Corninator 2000.
It started out simply enough. The younger kids had run off and I was standing around with the older kids, absently shucking corn. An idle thought popped into my head.
“Hey, you guys, what if we each took a handful of corn kernels and found
the younger kids and made it rain corn on their heads?”
Enthusiastic head nods and smiles.
We started gathering up kernels. Then I looked around.
“Hey, you guys, what if we took an empty corn
husk and filled it with corn kernels, and then we’d have a much larger amount
of corn kernels to rain on the younger kids heads?”
*Very* enthusiastic head nods and smiles.
We started our production line. Everybody took a husk of corn, twisted the
corn cob out of the husk, and then began shelling the corn cob and filling up
the now empty husk. As we filled, we
worked on our catch phrase.
“Okay,” I
said, “We need to have something to yell when we meet the younger kids, so that
they know that we mean business. Also,
it needs to be a pun.” The kids started
throwing out corn-related words that could potentially be made into puns. Maize, corny, husk, kernel-
“Wait, that’s
it!” I said, “Kernel. We can say
something like, ‘Kernel Corn says hello!’”
Katie burst out laughing.
Everyone else did too. And, catch
phrase secure, we renewed the filling of our Corninator 2000s.
Before too long our Corninator 2000s were packed to
bursting. We gathered up the top of the
stalks and began looking for our prey.
I explained that as members of the Corn army, we had to stroll casually
everywhere we went, Corninator 2000s held primly behind our backs. And to add authenticity, we should speak with
British accents. This led to some
interesting encounters with the other people in the corn maze.
“Excuse us,” we would say, when we crossed
paths, holding back giggles and Corninator 2000s, “Enjoy your night,” we would
end with, before casually strolling away from the innocent parties.
Finally, after much casual strolling and British speak…we
found them.
“It's them!” Chani exclaimed. We grouped up.
One of the younger kids rounded the
corner. She stopped when she saw
us. “There you are!” she exclaimed. Her eyes narrowed. “What are you doing?”
“Nothing,” we said in our British accents, facing her while slowly walking
backwards. She started stepping
towards us. The rest of the younger kids
rounded the corner. We kept stepping
backwards, luring them towards us. I
took a deep breath. “One, two, three…”
“KERNAL CORN SAYS HELLO!” we all shouted in unison, and
then…
We made it rain corn.
"I went in a corn field today and met Akbar."
-Julian Smith
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